Kate's story

Kate came to me after losing her horse, Star —the love of her life—to grass sickness. It was a devastating death for a horse, with many bouts of excruciating pain and lashing out. Kate had stayed with him, waiting for one vet, and then another, in fear of what this meant for the rest of the horses kept there.

During these final hours, as she attempted to keep him calm, she absorbed numerous kicks to her own body as he thrashed about in agony. As she struggled to keep him calm, she knew she wouldn’t be able to save him.

This was the first horse that Kate had brought on from a youngster. She had taken him to all his “firsts,” and they had utmost confidence in each other. Many judges commented how well matched they were, and as they progressed, there was that “magic” where she could think something and he did it.

Following Star’s death, Kate went into a period of self destruction. She was angry at the world and everything in it. Her dad heard of a half brother, Roman, who had been returned to the breeder because of neglect and so, doing the “dad thing” he went out and brought him home hoping that Kate would feel better if she had a new horse and one that was so close to her previous one.

Well, that didn’t go down at all well and, although she did the basics for him, she refused to work with him and went into bouts of rage. The new horse was used to this, so took it in stride and came back for more. This was the beginning of the change in Kate as she wondered what he’d been through that he still came back after being hated on and given the barest minimum possible.

It was about this time that I met Kate. As we sat talking in the barn outside his stable, she turned to Roman, and I noticed the clear softening in her own eyes and hand, which she hadn’t recognised. This was why he kept coming back for more!

Using Roman, I worked with Kate for a few weeks, talking through the anger, the hate, the fury, the doubts, the thoughts like, “what did I do wrong and how could I have saved him and what if it happens again.” We started to take him out for walks along the roadside and let him graze whilst we continued talking. She told me about her previous partnership and the hopes and dreams she had. She said she would never be able to have that confidence with another horse. I pointed out some similarities and differences between Star and Roman and she began to show signs of hope.

She showed interest in the future. She found out what had happened to him, and started to ask what she could do for him. She began to grieve. Winter was coming. She spent hours grooming him and just being with him in the stable. Her thoughts began to slow down and she opened up to the healing through these repetitive horse-related tasks. I suggested she spend her time over winter continuing these activities and concentrating on her healing—and to give me a call in spring time.

Come May, I got a call from Kate. She was ready to start riding Roman and wanted me to attend those first few sessions—to have someone there “on her side” who would recognise her anxiety and how that would affect the horse. We met up a few times and worked in the arena and out for a hack. Seeing their confidence in each other was beautiful.

Her dad and friend both told me separately that it was similar to before, but that there was something “extra” in it. The growth and resilience came through and Kate was visibly more confident.

She even took him out and had a few of those “firsts” with him during that year—and years afterwards—and she still sends photos of them enjoying life together.