Pete's Story

Every now and then, I receive a call or email from someone asking, "Will you help my friend/husband/boyfriend/relative?" If they are an adult, my response is always, "Of course, but they have to ask me first."

It's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to help someone, but unless the time is right for them, pushing isn't helpful.

One such email came my way: "Hi, my boyfriend fell off his horse. He's fine, but he doesn't seem to want to ride anymore. How do I get him to ride again, and can you help?"

After a conversation with Pete, who was surprisingly willing to speak with me, we arranged a visit to see him and his horses. This initial step can often be the longest, as I like to observe interactions at home, understanding that fear can be all-encompassing in one's familiar environment, yet dissipate when riding elsewhere.

Upon arrival, Pete confidently attended to his riding horse—the one he had fallen off—brushed him down, and seamlessly tacked up. He got on with a spirit that suggested a deep connection and love for his horse. It was evident that whatever was going on didn't impact his actual riding or his relationship with his horse.

As we rode around the local hacks, Pete opened up about his situation. While confident at home and in his work, he found the wider riding community less than welcoming. Comments in the warm-up arena and at meetings seeped into his mind, affecting his preparation, training, and overall confidence. He desperately wanted to progress and compete at higher levels but felt constantly criticised, hindering his abilities.

Watching him jump, I could see why he aspired to progress; his horse was an amazing jumper, and Pete clearly enjoyed the experience.

Throughout our ongoing talks, Pete revealed more about his life. This recurring situation of feeling criticized and not knowing how to cope led him to withdraw, allowing external critiques to dictate his life and limiting his social interactions.

We embarked on the 12 sessions of the Trinity of Equine Confidence together. Rather than focusing solely on his relationship with riding, we delved into his relationship with himself. This journey enabled him to block out critical comments, assess his own abilities, and move forward confidently into the competitions he was capable of, based on his skills and his horse.

Since then, Pete's life has taken a positive turn. His relationship with his girlfriend has improved, he addressed issues with staff at work, and he has climbed the rankings in his competitions. Through our work together, Pete not only rediscovered his love for riding but also found the strength to navigate life's challenges with newfound resilience and confidence.